resources
Like every counsellor, I have favorite authors on counselling-related topics. Here are four of them. These books contain some of the ideas that have formed my approach.
True Refuge - Tara Brach
This book describes Tara Brach’s wonderful mindfulness-based approach to maintaining wellbeing: RAIN – Recognise, Accept, Investigate and Nurture. When a negative emotion arises, we often try to suppress it or avoid it – squash it down. We might then hold onto that emotion for many years, which may cause both emotional and physical ill-health. With RAIN, we are invited to notice the emotion (R), accept it (A) and be curious about it (I). The last step, and perhaps the most important and beautiful aspect of the process, is to nurture the feeling (N) – what is it asking for, what does it need? This wisdom has helped me on many occasions. There are lots or approaches to therapy that have aspects of RAIN in them. Examples include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Internal Family Systems (IFS) and of course Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT).
Love’s Executioner - Irvin Yalom
A brilliant book for anyone interested in therapy. Most counsellors I’ve talked to agree. Strangers have told me how much they love this book when they have seen me reading it in public. It is a funny, wise, clever, extremely well written and brutally honest account of 10 of Yalom’s clients. Yalom is an existential therapist. He is especially interested in the big problems we all face, the four ‘givens’ of life: death, isolation, meaning and freedom. We mostly try not to think about these issues. If they come up, we try to distract ourselves in potentially unhealthy ways. Yalom suggests that it’s best to acknowledge them though – they are not going away.
Daring Greatly - Brene Brown
This is a funny and engaging book (she has others). It looks at how scary it feels to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. When we feel vulnerable, it means we are doing something dangerous, daring and where the stakes are high. Conversely, avoiding vulnerability and staying in our comfort zone is limiting. In particular, it can prevent us from forming strong connections with others. The same is true in therapy; sharing with a counsellor can be scary too. But with the right counsellor, a special connection can form and magic happens.
No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz
Many approaches to therapy, such as Ego State Therapy and Voice Dialogue Therapy, assume that we are made up of parts. For instance, we are often thought to have an inner child or a negative inner critic. The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model described in this book is an example of this parts-based approach. As well as describing the IFS model, No Bad Parts is a self-help guide; it tells the reader how to do some of the therapy on themselves. The main message of IFS is in the title – it suggests that mental well-being will come from treating all of our parts in a compassionate and nurturing way. All the parts are there for a reason. There are lots of exercises to get you understanding and nurturing all the parts of yourself.